my daily reflections…

i cannot say exactly how i affected my family or those around me who loved me most durin my days of doin my dirt. idk how they truly felt or dealt with the emotions they suffered from my actions. what i can say is that i know i hurt them because they have told me this. they suffered from my actions; actions and behaviors i never meant to cast upon them. recovery showed me how my time away from them in my early recovery helped us all to heal. for me, learnin how i harmed them through my perception helped me formulate amends to them with my sponsor. later on, years later, as i gave my amends to them, they told me how they felt, how i had harmed them. today, many years later, im still givin an amends to em through a livin amends. my children are all grown now, and my family and friends are 100s of miles away from me. they no longer have to suffer from the shit i used to do as a result of livin the change recovery offered me. today they know someone theyve never met before. even in the times i may catch myself limpin in my recovery, i must still remember i am still walkin a path that doesnt tend to harm others as i once may have. and as there are many days when it is hard to look past my own flaws, when i live the amends owed, i get to see the goodness that lies behind my behaviors and thinkin today. with willingness and perseverance, i continue to grow and evolve my recovery so i may be the person they may need. and sometimes, that person, may be someone they dont need to have in their way so they may live their lives without the stressors i may cause. what a livin amends means to me is that i live each spiritual principle as best as i can, remain available to those around me, those who love me most, so that if, or when, they may need me, i aint gotta be vacant as i once was. when i honestly try to think Gods thoughts after Him, my thoughts get to be guided by His thoughts, further helpin me live the amends i promised i would do. as i continue to surrender by keepin it simple; i continue to surrender and accept and live my amends. 1 day @ a time...