my daily reflections…

throughout my life i could always sense an inner province compellin me in one way or another. whether i followed that intuition was another story. because of my want to do as i wished, i rarely did what ev that voice within provoked because it was not what i wanted. bein as human as i am, i always did what i thought was best for me. see, “best for me,” is what i just mentioned. God gave me an abundance of natural desires and emotions and i used em all to fulfill my own wants. the big book says selfishness and self-centeredness caused me to live in constant dishonesty, resentment, and fear. but i could not see it. those naturally given desires caused me emotional deformities, i could not live past. my personal moral inventory showed me all kinds of character faults and shortcomins i had lived in pursuit of happiness and inner peace of mind. how couldve i ever known i would ever let these God given passions destroy my life and the lives of those around me? recovery taught me that i could overcome these faults if i stopped followin my own will and started listenin to that inner conscious of good within. i learned it was my HP beckonin me to do the next right thing. this meant i had to use the simplest form of humility, which was so uncommon to me; in order to recover i had to uncover. as this mornins readin says, experience is the best teacher. my experience before recovery showed me, when i honestly peered into it, just how i had made a mess of my own life, nobody else did. those around me, in the rooms, told of their HP and how they followed His will. i thought damn mannn, if this is what humility meant, i gotta try it. so, little by little, bits of faith were thrown out to see their results. these gits of newfound faith and trust were the catalyst for growin and evolvin a want to follow that inner, good, conscious. even as ive bucked & balked, ive grown since those times. ive learned how that inner, good, conscious can benefit me today. though times of inspiration can still be hindered by my own will, shortly after feelin the chaos caused within because of my will, i turn to follow my HPs. with a truly thankful heart, the material things of the world dont hold me back so much any longer and i get to humbly let God lead me forward. 1 day @ a time...