my daily reflections…

when i am open to the direct, conscious contact, i have with my HP i get to experience how serenity isnt the absence of conflict, its an ability to cope with it. i couldnt manage the quiet times i had before my recovery began. i could take them for very short periods of time, but then i would start thinkin. as i would isolate myself, i would drive myself into a state of confusion, mistrust, frustration, then anger. i couldnt accept where i was emotionally, physically, or materially. i could not find peace from those emotions unless i crowded em out with the illusion alcohol provided. it seemed alcohol would take me away from me and i would act like someone i surely wasnt within. and when i did act like the person i was within, the world around me attacked me. i reckon the world around me didnt like how i treated it. i would allow my delusionary state of mind to deliver someone who needed the approval of the world around me, never attainin it. i couldnt honestly feel the inner voice within tryin to guide me toward true peace of mind because i didnt feel i deserved it. imagine that. well, its truth. recovery taught me how to deal and cope with the emotional strife and battle i had ragin within me. how to not give negative energy to isolation or unhealthy separation in my life. it allowed me to trust myself so i could live with my authentic sentiments. learnin how to trust myself gave me the fortitude, courage, and sympathy, to be able to humble myself and trust whats goin on around me, and most importantly, within me. recovery showed me how to work with me with a faith in somethin greater than me. whether its my HP or the recoverin community i surround myself in, i get to listen to whats goin on within me and surrender to it, so i may live with peace of mind to whats goin on outside of me. that little voice within gives me the empathy to live with, love, and cope with me. this gives me the ability to be strong within so i may be strong in the world around me. today it aint so much how the world around me is treatin me, its how i facilitate a collaboration with it as i practice listenin to the natural faith and trust recovery has shown me how to build within. it is a loyal way for me to build humility within so i may fearlessly maintain constructin a healthy relationship with my HP and myself. 1 day @ a time...