it was a crushin blow comin into the rooms scared and lonely. lackin any trust in anythin whatsoever, even self. knowin deep within i had caused everythin to happen that had. thinkin back brings a sense of helplessness. rememberin all the shit i had done to others and even the repercussions of those actions well into my recovery, its quite a thought, i did that? since my recovery ive worked hard as fuck to not do the shit i used to. its been an ego shreddin and prideless admittance, as time has gone by, to understand just how powerful my alcoholism can be. i reckon this step is the point where i get to understand that all the good and bad, i think i get to claim, i give to my HP so i can move forward without carryin the load any longer. amazin how this thing we do works. those who came before me knew that it was not an easy 1, 2, 3, thing to let loose of personal burden. they knew more would need to be done. so here i am, goin through prior steps, and askin God to continue to help me be the man i never couldve before my recovery began by helpin others learn a way out of their personal hell. ive learned through recovery, through the big book, humility in recovery means that i as a person cannot make my life manageable; i have to be humble enough to hand it over to someone or somethin greater than me. it means admittin my way is shit. i dont “get” humility if i dont “get” lettin go of ego, pride, and control is what humility is. learnin not to limit myself by doubtin, i get to have confidence that i can be effective for good. i dont have to live in the memories of the past, i just gotta remember to not forget em. for it is there my lessons for future humility, growth, and personal evolution are rooted for personal spiritual growth. it is how i get the honesty, hope, faith, courage, integrity, and willingness, to move toward humility, understandin i cant, He can. 1 day @ a time...
Author
bjsrer
corn fed not inbred michigan white trash...