my daily reflections…

i didnt know what to do or how to even begin the process of savin my ass from the certain death i knew was comin if i had continued doin my dirt. drinkin had long stopped bein a luxury, or even workin, and after every attempt i tried to control it, the only thing left to do, was to try my last option, enter the halfway house i entered, before i did some dumb shit and either killed someone else or died myself by some tragic means. sometimes today, i think of just how bad it must have gotten to say those types of words but recall the reality behind em. and some who may not get, “it,” may not truly understand why i would say these things, but until theyve been there, they truly do not know the place i had come emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, or spiritually. havin been in this thing we do for a minute, havin watched others get to experience the bitter end, and even more, havin watched others do the opposite and climb from the mire as i, i can never forget those feelins within. desperation, what a word. it doesnt really seem to cover those final days of doin my dirt or the early days of my abstinence and recovery. what is for sure, is the flimsy reed this mornins daily speaks of. how rickety, frail, and seemingly, unsubstantial, the hope i had that i might be able to overcome my alcoholism if i stopped tryin to control it, was. as i followed what others were sayin bout the lovin and powerful hand of God, hearin what it had done for them, i wondered if it would do the same for me. could i live this design fer livin? today, i aint gotta live the fear of those bold words i spoke of in the beginnin of this revelation. ive learned to turn it all over to my HP, with faith that that Power can give me the strength i need, and ive found peace of mind. ive gotten to re-educate my mind, by doin and behavin differently, so i could learn to think differently. ive found new interests that make life worthwhile. those who had achieved sobriety through faith in God and mental re-education were the modern miracles i was lookin for. this thing we do, this design for livin, saved my ass. today, i pray that nothin will be able to move me from that deep conviction. as i keep my recovery as simple as i can, i continue to accept the rules of life. 1 day @ a time...