my daily reflections…

my 8th step list of people i had harmed was where i got to see, in black & white, just how my behavior and character had affected those around me. i needed the help of my sponsor and trusted friends in recovery to help me make this list. i didnt want to, or try to, lie to myself and have me believin that the people i had harmed werent necessary to list. it was the 1st time in the steps where my focus wasnt only bout workin on me, but deeply involved, how i had actually emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and spiritually harmed others. this list was imperative to the humblin of self and how i used the character defects and shortcomins i had learned about in my 4th and 5th steps against others. how i could live the change recovery offers to implement honesty, hope, faith, courage, integrity, willingness, and humility, to identify those i had harmed, and start givin brotherly love to em. it was the opportunity to actually understand how weaponizin my character defects and shortcomins could show me how the self-centered fear, self-delusion, self-seekin, and self-pity i had developed, harmed others. what had i done to them to ostracize myself from their lives systematically? it was to only be a list, but i had to think about how those defects i had come to learn and understand affected each person on that list. if i couldnt, what was the sense in even tryin to attempt and understand the peoples names who i had, at the time, unintentionally harmed. this was a beginnin in understandin how, though unknown, and unintentional, my alcoholism had actually put others and myself in a position to be harmed. i had to ask my HP to help me be ready to make the proper effort to write these names down. i needed to ask my HP to help me, when i couldnt understand or see, how i had harmed others, recognize the need and opportunity to reach out to others around me for their assistance in writin these names down in black and white. i needed to be shown how to use what i already had, for buildin, not tearin down. as i find the courage to be honest and willin, id become more genuine. i needed to continue to learn my sense of purpose in recovery usin this step and tradition. 1 day @ a time...