my daily reflections…

with this, what i believe to be, 4th deep look into my character defects and shortcomins, i needed my HP to help me as i plunged into how those characters and shit i wasnt doin that i shouldve been, had affected me. i needed Him because i wrote these things out in the comforts of my room, away from my sponsor and trusted friends in recovery. as the realizations of this deeper dig hit me, He was there so i could try to give the emotions i felt away so i could continue to write down and, understand, what was right in front of me. i needed to know and understand how i had allowed these findins to harm others, whether intentional or not. if i could understand and know how my behaviors and thinkin had allowed me to harm others with a bold face upon me, i could come to terms later, before makin these amends, with my sponsors guidance, why and how these harms caused me emotional insecurities. i could then accept the justice, forgiveness, and love, with the healthy intentions, my HP allowed me to have. that this time alone, writin these drastic things down, brotherly love would work where nothin else would. as this mornins readin suggests, i had no right tryin to play Gods role in the lives of others, even my own. and in writin this deeper dig on how i allowed my alcoholism to affect my behavior and thinkin, so i could harm others, i needed to depend upon Him. i had no business allowin the deep dark recesses of my mind try to fool me into not usin the honesty, hope, and faith, to help me write this shit down and look at it, so i fully understood it. today after time, i can use the process of the steps and the traditions to help guide me. the process of the steps has taught me that when it is im alone with my HP, i can feel safe and secure. the spiritual principle of brotherly love is an opportunity for me to make effective use of my mistakes and failures so that some good may result from my painful experiences that caused harm to others. it is a freedom i get to rely upon so i can hopefully resume livin what my HP and this thing we do has given me. it is another moment to put beauty in my actions, words, and attitudes. 1 day @ a time...