my daily reflections…

my sponsor suggested i take the time to pray each mornin, askin for knowledge of my HPs will, and then meditate, listenin for His intuitive voice within, to guide me forward throughout my day. at 1st it seemed ridiculous to me to pray to somethin i wasnt quite ready to believe in and listen for what that entity guided me toward. but ya know, i did it. i had to mannn, even if i wasnt quite ready to surrender and had my doubts, knowin what i had left behind when i walked into that halfway house, thinkin about the prior times i had tried recovery and failed, i had to try somethin. i had destroyed anythin that was ever any good for me, and i knew it. my way, havin tried it a thousand different ways, just didnt work. the actions, behaviors, and thinkin patterns which had brought me to recovery came crashin down all around me in the 1st few months of my recovery. i was lonely, angry, and hated everythin and everybody around me, even more so, i hated me. the savin grace in all of this was the suggestion my sponsor had made. try it for 30 days, and if ya dont feel or see shit changin around ya or gettin the slightest bit better, then go back to what ya was doin before ya came in here. i thought about that alternative, goin back out there didnt seem appealin. since those times ive adopted the suggestions my sponsor gave me, and prayer and meditation have become an anchor in my life. they are a foundation in my life that have given me much of the emotional, psychological, behavioral, and spiritual developments to help me live life with peace of mind. ive learned how mornin meditation can give the pathways to live the change recovery offers. it directs me toward the service recovery asks of me so i can get out of self. today i am open to offerin others the best of me without demand of receipt. i get to share what recovery and my HP have given me. 1 day @ a time...