my daily reflections…

i love how this is explained. maudlin: self-pityingly or tearfully sentimental, often through drunkenness. martyrdom: a display of feigned or exaggerated sufferin. to think, i can still, today, go right into this form of comfort through self-pity; is not a far-fetched idea; it is somethin i know how to do all too well. i have been taught by my sponsor through the 12 steps, a way not to seek this purely human form of comfort. it is up to me to use it. i remember many times lettin myself get swept up into the maudlin sense of self-pity. it does, as the readin suggests, wrap me up in it so well that it can become my sole sense of character and bein. i become “joel, the carrier of a sack of sadness,” so big i cant even carry the burden it creates any longer and i drink. it has the potential to envelop me so deep, i begin believin that i am worth nothin, worthless as teets on a boar hawg, not of even livin upon this earth. it has the ability to consume me wholly and not let me be. though self-pity may disguise itself as a comfort for short term relief, it is one of the most negative and destructive emotions i can have. self-pity ensures loneliness, guilt, and remorse become a part of my everyday life. the spiritual principles of this thing we do have given me the tools to use to defeat the false comfort of self-pity. even in recovery this sense can work its way into my thoughts. it is then i must get with another in recovery and work with em; whether it is by doin service work fer em or simply listenin to what is goin on in their life. when i am able to do this i then re-open all communication with my HP and growth can then continue from within. 1 day @ a time…