i cannot recall clearly this mornin if immediate forgiveness was thought of after i had completed my tell of the discoverys i found in my 4th step to my sponsor. i do recall talkin about it with him. but as far as an immediate or astoundin feelin within to forgive all i thought had caused...

ya may have told me in the days of doin my dirt and in my early recovery how havin some kind of relationship with God could help me, but i wouldnt have listened. i had no interest. if i followed what Gods plan was, id have no fun. thats how i thought. i had to...

https://music.youtube.com… Driving with the angel of death I pass by your old department Sniffing up the pills you left Inside the limousine Nobody could tell me how far You said, "We'll stop to read each tea leaf" Nobody could tell me how long Just pacing patiently I arrive, in the form of a radical being...

of the many areas recovery has had an effect on my life, self-perception is one of the biggest. throughout my teens, 20s, and 30s, the view i had of self had been affected by self-esteem issues i had developed durin my youth. i had learned not to trust myself due to emotional abuse from those...

before i had done step 5, i had seen others who had done the 1, 2, 3, and out deal. and i would be a liar if i told ya i didnt feel the sense of freedom after i had been in the halfway house i was stayin in after a couple of months. but...

when i came into the rooms i was out of options. all i had tried to solve the problems within failed me. i needed to learn a new and different way to live with myself. step 4s dig into what and who i had become was overwhelmin. the honest willingness to dig in and actually...

keepin all the shit i had dealt with throughout my life only created a much sicker individual. even as i tried desperately to outlive, outthink, and overthink, the personal problems i held so dearly to my heart and mind, believin i could find a solution to those problems, i never could. my only solution was...

throughout my recovery ive learned how calmness is constructive of good. when i think of the freedoms that have come practicin what ive learned from recovery on how to work with my character defects and shortcomins, keepin my mind in a state of tranquility, usin patience, i get to experience the freedom ive worked for....

this is a lesson ive gotten to learn many times throughout my recovery. i try to hold onto somethin to see if i can work my way through it. ya think i would have learned my lesson after my initial personal inventory and seein how all the shit i held onto for years caused me...

when i approached step 4, i found it difficult. even as i already had an idea of what and who i was, i didnt want to have to see it all written down on paper through my own efforts. it meant i had to take into consideration the realization that i was a fuckin loser....

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