Sobriety vs. Recovery

I have been having a very unpleasant discussion with someone here on ITR, a discussion about abuse of power. In July, I had some issues with a couple people here and come to find out, they were allowed to get away with everything even though I was personally traumatized by the incident. The conflict caused me to lose trust in one of the fellowships here and I stayed away while I sorted out my traumas, occasionally posting complaints that were also met with resistance. There is no seniority in recovery, there are no leaders, there is no authority. We are all equals in different stages of growth and awareness and the newcomers are always the top priority for me because that is how I stay sober. In recovery, we lead by example and show acceptance to the people who are struggling. Some people in recovery become fanatical and enter into an Ego Trap known as Better Than Complex. They are working a program and doing really well and because they feel better, they naturally assume that they are better and therefore have some right to tell other people how they need to do it. I heard one angry old timer say that no one should be allowed to chair a meeting unless they have 5 years sober, because newcomers do not know shit, those were his exact words. There are many levels of participation in recovery and I would like to share some things from Alcoholics Anonymous that define the basic principles. Tradition 3 - The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. That means, everything else is optional and that tradition is the only thing that keeps AA from being a religious cult. We do not need to do anything in recovery except show up, it is all about willingness. However, the more we are willing to do, the more we will get out of it. "It must never be forgotten that the purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous is to sober up alcoholics. There is no religious or spiritual requirement for membership. No demands are made on anyone. An experience is offered that members may accept or reject. That is up to them." - Bill W. Those statements reinforce the third tradition. AA offers many recovery solutions, they are all effective and they save millions of lives each year. It is also true that the people who struggle or relapse in recovery, are the ones who failed to embrace the program sufficiently. There is no question that AA works, it is a universal truth and everything I have ever read in any AA approved literature is absolutely true. Even though I support everything that AA does, I do not want everything that AA offers. Why? Because of the Law of Attraction. I am not personally attracted to the idea of becoming an old timer, I am not interested in memorizing AA literature, I am not interested in having AA be my one and only source of recovery, I am not interested in being a big book sponsor who has an AA solution for everything. I have a great many issues and although AA offers a solutions for most of them, I have already found many answers elsewhere, in other recovery programs, in religion and in philosophy. My experience strength and hope involves several different belief systems and I am a very religious person. My religion is called Omnism and part of the principles I live by is to never commit completely to any one beliefs system, I need to remain open to the truth in all of them. Sadly, this has made me somewhat of an outcast in the meetings that are controlled by hardcore big book thumpers and old timers. I do not sound like them and I am especially upsetting to the people who have resentments towards religion. I am grateful that there are still face to face meetings world wide and that the meetings here are not the only source of recovery. It seems that many of the meetings are managed by the people who are fanatical about their one recovery program and because they all agree with one another, they tend to abuse the position. People have said things to me here on this platform, that they absolutely would not have the nerve to say to my face and some of those people chair meetings. To them and anyone who decides to take my inventory and speak out against me, I would life to share a story. I knew a man who died with 65 years of sobriety, a real achievement by some people's standards. He had a "Spiritual Awakening" when he got drunk one day in the navy and fired off a weapon inside of a barracks. The MP's took offense to this behavior, and beat him severely and so he took the first step of recovery and vowed to never drink again. AA was not very known back then and he never attended a single meeting, but his life emulated a number of the principles of recovery. He volunteered for numerous things, including the Boy Scouts where he became a well known and respected leader. He was also a very charming and successful salesperson and would conduct training seminars in front of hundreds of people in his trade. Unfortunately, that was just his public appearance. In private, he was an angry, bitter, judgmental, racist dry drunk who beat his sons and molested his daughters. That man was my father, and when he died he took out revenge on me because I did not coddle him when he died. 65 years sober, not a single day of actual recovery. He died with all his resentments and character defects fully intact and he got away with everything. I came to this platform very sick. Thanks to certain meetings and the trauma treatments I have been receiving outside of this platform, I am doing much better in a fairly short period of time. I am trying to fit in and I also want to do service work, so I have began chairing meetings in one fellowship where I feel completely safe. I am very sorry to say that I do not feel safe in all the fellowships I qualify for here because there are many people who are offended by how different my message is from theirs. After arguing with one of the key people involved here for days, I am coming to a point where I am accepting, face to face meetings are a much better match for me in certain programs. People generally do not disrespect me in person and if they do, it will only happen once. I do not tolerate disrespect from anyone, no matter how much clean time they have or how much they have memorized a program. I show everyone respect, until they take my inventory, then nothing they say matters to me at all anymore. "Judge not, lest ye be judged" means literally, do not be judge others because if you do, you will be judged. I hope to help many people here embrace recovery and apply the 12 step principles to their lives. I will not limit myself to any one recovery program, although no matter what fellowship I participate in, in my heart I am always working the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I apologize to the people who I trigger and who feel they need to educate me for whatever reasons. I am not going to allow them to bother me anymore, I have complained enough and I have been heard, now it is time to apply radical acceptance to everyone I meet. I am committed to listening to everyone, no matter what they have to say about me. I respect the people who show me acceptance the most and I feel that it is something that everyone needs a lot more of in their lives. Thank you for reading and best wishes with your recovery. Rev. Jeff Rounds