What is Trauma?

Trauma is probably the single most common and also, misunderstood element of life. In reality and to the best of my understanding, everyone living today is carrying trauma and we are all in Denial about something. This post is intended to shed light on the actual nature of trauma and what can be done about it. Trauma = Shame Remember that formula, it may save your life and others. Shame is by far the single most crippling thing in the universe. It limits our abilities to function, to see life as it is, to manifest a life worth living and it causes long-term permanent damage to our systems that can only be managed, never cured. I have said at face to face meetings that trauma is at the root of all addictions and I have had complete idiots, crosstalk me and say "Not always". Yes, always. I wasn't asking questions and it is against my religion to say anything that I am not certain is true. The real issue is that unless people see the harm in their thoughts and behaviors, they are blissfully unaware that they are traumatized and in denial. I would like to give a few examples of trauma and see if you can come up with some of your own. Please, feel free to post details about your own traumas if you feel compelled and share this post. Many of our traumas are related to a process known as Social Conditioning. The people who came to life before us have had some experience that we have not and it is normal for them to teach us how to fit in, to their interpretation of life. With the best of intentions and often with loving care, people are capable of traumatizing children, causing them to experience a variety of difficulties throughout life. Those of you who are old enough or like the band Pink Floyd, may remember a scene from the movie "The Wall" where young Pink is in a classroom and is caught writing poetry. The headmaster, who is filled with resentments of his own, shames young pink in public, gets the entire class to laugh at him and then adds insult to injury when he swats young pink on the hand with his jerk-stick, (I do not know what it is really called). Massive trauma. Not only has his creativity been shamed, but his character and passion has been exposed as being unacceptable and with physical abuse, young Pink is now certain to carry a resentment because he was unable to defend himself against his narcissist. We are then shown the formula known as "hurt people, hurt people" and we see the headmaster at home being abused by his deranged bitch wife. She is the headmaster's narcissist, he then goes to school with a big attitude and abuses children. That form of trauma is fairly clear. The ones that are not, are a little more damaging in some regards because everyone may be doing their best and it doesn't matter, trauma still occurs. For this example, I call on Lisa Simpson from the hit cartoon The Simpsons. Lisa is a very intelligent young lady. She excels in school and is a music empath. She is also very codependent and is an enabler like her mother. Lisa is constantly depressed and it is not because her parents do not love her, it is because she is not compatible with them. Homer is a narcissist, a physically abusive alcoholics with endless character defects that he is completely in denial about. Marge, his wife, is a huge enabler and has many passive aggressive behaviors that allow Homer to behave in horrible ways that we find amusing, yet at a closer look he really should be in prison for child abuse. Oddly, he rarely is abusive towards Lisa, except for one thing. There are at least 9 forms of intelligence. Lisa has most of them, the rest of her family does not. She is traumatized by lack of validation and healthy mirroring and her talents are stifled as she attempts to coexist with people who are far below her level of understanding. As a result, each time she experiences a personal relationship, it is toxic and forms some type of trauma bond. Milhouse is trauma bonded to her, and she is trauma bonded to the guys she likes. Social conditioning is responsible for most of what I call Ego, the emotional matrix of our human experiences. Without it, humans behave more naturally and live without shame, filled with wonderment and acceptance. Only when our experiences are encoded with the emotional signature of shame, do we experience suffering. Pain is inevitable, because we are emotional creatures. Suffering, is the result of trauma. Thankfully, Dr. Bob and Bill W. discovered that there is a process we can use to identify and manage our traumas. They kept it so simple and so eloquent, it is no wonder that over 1200 other recovery programs have been based on it. In AA, we identify these traumas as simply "Resentments and Character Defects". Other recovery programs have more elaborate descriptions and those approaches may serve and appeal to many people, yet if AA was the only recovery program to exist it would be enough. I urge you to share this understanding with others. If everyone was aware of how simple it all is, we would all suffer less. Understand, suffering is a part of lie, but the depth and duration of our suffering is directly related to the amount of shame we carry. That is why Acceptance is so important and powerful, it is the most direct and effective way to treat shame, heal trauma and free us from the bondage of self. May my words serve you and others well. It has cost me dearly to come to this understanding and I give it away freely every chance I get. That is how I have learned to manage my traumas and I pray that it helps others too. Rev. Jeff Rounds for Mixed Recovery, Inc.