The one pattern I’ve found challenging to learn from the entire experience of recovery is the need to be gentle with myself. Wow, that has been a hard lesson.
For so long, I measured myself against my worst days. If I slipped, struggled, or just didn’t feel good, I’d spiral into shame. I thought that treating myself harshly would keep me in line, yet it acted as a barrier: it kept me stuck.
Yet, the path of recovery is anything but a straight line. It gets somehow messy, looping back, stumbling forward. Real healing takes place when I could meet myself with compassion—even when I find reasons not to do so.
Now, whenever I slip up (because that will still happen), I try to pause instead of punish myself. I suddenly ask, “What do I need right now?” instead of “What’s wrong with me?” This small change has made a world of difference.
Being kind to myself doesn’t mean letting everything go. It means taking accountability for myself, but with kindness. It means recognizing that no matter what I go through in one hard moment, it can’t wipe away all the progress I have made. It means seeing myself as someone who might have been broken, but really more so as someone who was hurt and is now trying so hard to heal.
Some days I get a little kinder to myself by allowing a break. Some days the compassion is to say no to someone who drains me. On other days, I just remind myself, “You are doing all you can with all you’ve got in this moment.”
To anyone else walking this road: you don’t have to earn your own grace. You deserve it because you’re human. Because this work is hard. And because shame has no place in healing. Being gentle with yourself is your responsibility towards yourself.
So if today feels heavy, don’t give up on yourself. Rest if you need to. Reach out. Begin again. That’s not weakness—it’s strength.
And if you need someone to say it out loud: You’re doing better than you think. You’re not alone. And you’re worth the effort it takes to keep going.
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2 Comments
Stay clean must come first
Absolutely—you’re so right. Staying clean is the foundation, and from there, everything else becomes possible. But I’ve also learned that staying clean becomes more sustainable when we treat ourselves with compassion along the way. Recovery isn’t just about saying no to substances—it’s about saying yes to our own healing, one gentle step at a time. Thank you for reading and for reminding us what matters most.