How I Found Myself Again: My Journey from Chaos to Clarity

I can recall the time when I was sitting in my parked car with my hands trembling and heart throbbing, absolutely lost in mind. It was such a blur of anything would do linked to the moments and the months of lies and excuses. I had been on a path of self-destruction. I had been doing so through alcohol, unhealthy affairs, and irrational habits for a long time.

Quietest of All My Mates

Alcohol was the quietest of all my mates, a presence I couldn’t even hear; first, it was with ‘just a drink to get relaxed’ but soon it became my only exit to face the world with all the pain, shame, and unacceptable parts of me. It started with just a casual harmless glass of wine, but soon it was turning into an inseparable companion.

My day would start with being excited about having that just 1 cup of wine, yes you heard it right ‘cup’ of wine, as if it was a harmless cup of coffee. I thought if it is in a cup like a coffee or tea, it wasn’t that bad. It would make me feel liberated as if am free like a bird and had all the right in the world to drown in my newly found cup of harmless wine. Wine too is alcohol, the thought would often come to mind. Then gradually I transitioned to more effective ones thinking I was in the prime of my life, enjoying my midlife.

Prison in My Mind

The reality was that alcohol didn’t liberate me; it rather put me in a prison. It made me less clear in my thinking, imposed on my values, and took away from me my belief in myself. When I looked in the mirror, my image seemed to be off. It was like no living; it was just surviving with one drink, one hangover, one emotional breakdown, and the like.

During a calm and peaceful night, when there was no other way out to the bad luck and fatigue, I decided to check out online community support on the internet. I got so engrossed that I kept on reading experiences of so many souls who had been through the same hell and yet they made it out alive.

Their wonderful stories put a silver lining of hope in my rather dark life. So, I subscribed to In The Rooms, attended my first virtual meeting, and silently listened. I did not have to express myself; I only had to be there, to sense the security of a common wound and a common healing process.

Step by Step

Step by step, a change took place. I began to respect myself as before I venerated the bottle. I even dared to write my own story—first cautiously, then confidently. The recovery process was not without its toolbox—daily check-ins, meditation, journaling, and mingling with the loving ITR community. Each and every blog post I read had in it the message of my being not shattered completely but of me being in the process of being whole again.

Rehabilitation did not mean achieving perfection; rather it took a lot of courage. It meant replacing the chaos with clarity, hiding with honesty, and isolating with the community. Now, we don’t have the sudden flash of clarity—it comes slowly like the sunrise.

I admit there are still storms in my life, but I have learnt to navigate them without depending on a drink. It is amazing the way I have been able to regain parts of myself that I had thought were lost forever.

And now, I am the one who tells their story when a person is struggling with addiction and wants help because they are tired of the pain. If recovery was able to find me, it will be able to find anybody else.

If you are experiencing this, be assured—the confusion is not going to claim you. It is only a matter of time till you discover the new you—one move, one breath, one tale at a time.

Editor’s Note: If you’re looking for more support, inspiration, or stories that speak about your recovery experience, we invite you to explore our Blogs & Articles section. Stay connected with the In The Rooms community on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, and twitter for daily encouragement, real voices, and reminders that healing happens one moment at a time.

We share real recovery stories while protecting the privacy of those who trust us with their experiences. Many personal details are adjusted or rewritten for clarity. We honor each individual’s voice, ensuring their truth is shared with care and respect.